I learned a lot about communication from two very good friends Jacques Salomé, who has written several books on communication, and Léon-Maurice Lavoie, who teaches Jacques’ method of communication “E.S.P.E.R.E.” which stands for Énergie Spécifique Pour une Écologie Relationnelle Essentielle.
Above all, it bears witness to a spirit and an ethic of life. If it challenges the usual modes of communication, if it shakes the good conscience and the lures of the current pseudo-communication, the ESPERE method incites each one to re-examine his own way of exchanging, sharing, appropriating, confronting or accepting differences.
It forces everyone to evaluate their beliefs, mythologies, certainties and threshold of intolerance. It presupposes demands and an ethic of life turned towards oneself, more than towards others. If you have the opportunity, I invite you to find out more about this method.
“What I think, What I mean, What I think I say, What I say, What you want to hear, What you think you hear, What you hear, What you want to understand, What you think you understand, What you understand… there are ten possibilities that we may have difficulty communicating. But let’s try anyway… ” – Bernard Werber
Here are the mistakes people often make when they think they are doing active listening. Always maintain respect and build the athlete’s esteem and trust. Never take an answer lightly. If the answer is not the right one, try to find out why he answers that way and never judge an answer.
Show that you are involved in the conversation, give your confidence to have the confidence of the other.
It is important to use positive reinforcement, which is called “feedback”. But it must be effective, not only to say “well done”, but to say why we congratulate. At this point you must name what the player has done right. This allows you to know not only that it is good but what has been done well.
When it’s not so good, say “I wish you had done it this way, I think it would have been more effective, what do you think? ». The player will then respond more positively and do better next time. Reinforcement must be fair and honest.
4 important tips for parents and instructors
- Be specific, to get good answers.
- Be descriptive rather than evaluative, describe things.
- Focus on the person’s behaviour.
- Maintain an important relationship with respect. To get confidence you have to show it, trust your players. It is a matter of mutual exchange between the instructor and his players. It is the same with respect. In order to be respected, one must absolutely respect others. What can you do to build respect?
3 important keys to establishing respect in communication
- Question the person and understand who you are really dealing with.
- Inform her that you are going to have a long-term relationship with her. That you will be there for her, even in difficult times.
- Make things clear, mentioning the things you can do for her.
The only way to have a player who is confident is to give him confidence. And that’s how he’s going to give you his confidence back. So it works both ways.
As an instructor, you are obligated to do what you said you would do. Otherwise, trust is broken. So be fair and keep your promises. This will also ensure that he keeps the respect of his players.